Ambassadors of the Planet Fandom
by Person-without-a-FF.N-account
Summary: They come from the planet Fandom. They're called Fans, insane creatures who speak in tongues and obsess over people, partaking in rituals such as 'Shipping' and 'Bashing'. The Doctor and the Master must now face their deadliest enemies. Their Fans. 11th Doctor and Master 'cause I don't write them that much, and they make an awesome team. And Jack for the lolz.


A/N: Yup, this idea popped into my head. Because fangirls.

I should write Jack more often XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, but the story belongs to me :)

* * *

The Doctor and the Master were having a peaceful day in the TARDIS until Jack Harkness's voice crackled through the speakers.

The Doctor was fixing a circuit underneath the console when the TARDIS hummed to tell him a communication was coming through.

"Get that, will you?" called the Master from the other side of the room, where he was engrossed in watching something (probably Teletubbies) on his laptop. The Doctor sighed, pulling off his saftey goggles and looking up through the glass floor. "Er, yes?" he called, "Who is it?"

"Doctor?" said a familiar voice, "It's me, Jack."

"Oh, right!" the Doctor slid off his swing and sprinted up the steps to the console, pulling the scanner screen towards him and ignoring the Master's distant huff and distasteful mutter of 'The freak...'.

"Hello captain!" he said, "How's life? Been for a drink with anyone interesting recently?"

"Well now that you mention it-" Jack began, then seemed to check himself and started again, "Ah, this isn't really the time. I need your help with... something."

"Of course - I'm not doing much!" the Doctor smiled, "I could do with a nice something to sort out!" he darted over and pressed a button, then entered a few numbers into a keypad and tugged a lever or two, setting the course for Cardiff. "Might I ask what _sort _of something it is?"

"Well, recently there's been a lot of activity from the rift," Jack began, "Nothing we couldn't handle, of course, but just yesterday there was a huge surge of transdimensional energy, and something, uh, bad happened."

"What sort of _bad_?" the Doctor asked, fiddling with a few knobs and switches.

"Really bad." Jack sighed. "D'you remember that planet that we visited a few years ago? The one where everyone obsesses over stuff... what was it called... Fandom?"

"Oh, yes!" the Doctor grinned in reminisce, then suddenly his eyes bulged and he flew back to the scanner screen. "Jack. Tell me the Fans didn't get through."

"I'm afraid they did," the captain winced, "About thirty of 'em appeared at around two o'clock this morning. They looked like they'd come prepared - sleeping bags and everything. They've been out there all night, and now... they're trying to break into the hub," he paused. "A little help, please?"

"No, no, no, no, we're _extremely _busy," the Doctor said, starting to dance around the TARDIS console again, "I've got a Slitheen wedding to attend, three cats to drop back on Mars, and..." he glanced at his 'companion', then his watch, "The Master promised Beatrix Potter he'd buy her a new paintbrush. So, sorry! Can't help you."

"You just said you weren't doing anything!" Jack protested.

"AH, but that was earlier!" the Doctor said, hastily tugging a lever. He then ran back to the screen and made a pleading gesture with his hands. "Jack, please - you're good with... people! Can't you - I don't know - flirt with them until they go away, or something?"

"Wish I could!" Jack replied, "But they specifically told me they wanted to meet _you_. They seem to, eh, have _legends _about you."

"How did they tell you, I thought you hadn't let them inside the hub?"

"They're outside, sorta screaming it. Repeatedly."

The Doctor passed a hand over his face. "If I followed your human religions, I would say, 'Oh dear God' about now." he said wearily.

"Well, can't you come and get rid of them?" Jack asked, "Sign a few arms, pose for a photo or two, then send 'em back to their own universe?"

The Master had now closed his laptop and was staring at the Doctor, desperately mouthing 'No', over and over again.

"I suppose we'd better," the Doctor sighed. He reached over to a control panel and ignored the Master's groan of despair. "I'll see you in a minute."

Jack nodded and terminated the call.

"Why do you put me through such misery?" the Master asked. The Doctor smiled cheerily at him, but offered no reply.

After a few minutes' bumpy ride, the TARDIS landed and the Doctor heard screams from outside. He sniffed and made his way down the steps to the doors, followed warily by the Master.

He stopped, checked his reflection in the smooth surface of the window, adjusted his bowtie, and stepped out of the doors.

* * *

"Oh my _god_!" a girl with short, blonde hair and a very long nose elbowed her way to the front of the crowd, "I _love _your bow tie, and your hair!" she reached up and ruffled the Doctor's hair, but he didn't notice, as he was trying to stop a twosome of freckled, red-headed girls stealing his sonic screwdriver.

"Look at this one!" squealed another girl, this one with chin-length hazel-coloured hair. She was clinging onto the Master's arm and grinning. "He's soooo adorable!"

"Doctor, I'm assuming you have a plan?" the Master muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah. Umm... basically... not really." The Doctor glanced around for the TARDIS, but the way to it was cut off by the giant mass of Fangirls. Jack had pretty much abandoned them, disappearing back into the hub to get 'backup'.

"Aww, I think they're really cute together!" crooned a tall, black-haired girl, coming up behind the two Time Lords and putting her arms around their shoulders.

"What are you - ow! - talking about?!" the Doctor grimaced, trying to shake off a girl who was clinging to his leg.

"You two!" Tall Girl said, "You're such a good couple. Come on now, give us a kiss!"

The Doctor's eyes widened. "No, no, no! We're not together!" he cast his eyes to the heavens, "Can't I have a companion who isn't seen as a romantic attachment?"

"Evidently not," the Master said, ignoring the slowly increasing chant of 'Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!', "Get off!" he tried to shake his arm free of Hazel-Head, but she hung on.

"How about a hug?" Long Nose asked, "Just hug each other, and we can write the rest!"

"Well, will that make you go away?" the Doctor asked desperately.

"Nooo!" the redheaded twins shrieked, "We we always love you!"

"I am _soo_ going to make dolls of these two guys!" chirped a skinny, bespectacled girl from the back of the crowd.

"Yeah! Me too!" said someone else the Doctor couldn't quite see.

"I'm nearly finished my sketch!" grinned an Indian girl sitting on the grass with a notebook, "Although I haven't quite got your face right," she said to the Master. "Tilt a little to the right, please?"

"Doctor," the Master said, obliging and turning his head to avoid invoking the girls' wrath, "You're good with the apes. Tell them to go away!"

"_You're _the megalomanic hypnotist!" the Doctor retorted.

"Fine!" the Master said, "EVERYONE GET AWAY OR I SHALL ENSLAVE YOUR PLANET!"

This statement didn't have quite the effect they had hoped, in fact, if anything, it seemed to encourage the Fangirls even more.

"Aww! He's such a cute psychopath!" cooed Tall Girl, who still hadn't let go of both Time Lords. "Love the evil ones."

The Master knitted his eyebrows, and was about to say something when the Doctor interrupted him.

"EVERYONE, PLEASE!" The Doctor yelled, trying to be heard over the din of the crowd, "We just want to go back to our ship, is that so much to ask?"

"What ship is it?" asked Hazel-Head, who was still hanging off the Master's arm. "I personally like crack!pairings."

"Ugh!" frowned a girl with wide eyes and pigtails who had taken a seat on the grass next to Sketch Girl, "I only ship canon pairings."

"What _are _they talking about?" the Master frowned.

"Must be some kind of native slang," the Doctor shrugged. "Look, ladies, we really have to go. If you could just let us get back into the blue box, please? Yes, that box. Yes."

"What're you going to _do_ in there?" Tall Girl raised her eyebrows.

"Oh Rassilon, she's worse than Jack." The Master tried to push her off his shoulder, but she didn't budge.

"Who's Jack?" Long-Nose's ears pricked up at the mention of a new character to work with.

"He's..." the Doctor wondered how he should describe the captain to this group of insane Fangirls.

"He's an annoying, immortal git who makes it his personal business to flirt with everything that moves," the Master explained. "I think you'd get along with him quite well."

"He sounds interesting!" Pigtails Girl grinned, showing braces, "He should be fun to write. Also, would you like my fic to be K+ or T?"

The Doctor didn't quite know how to answer this question, so he simply changed the subject.

"Listen, we need to go into that box and do... stuff!" the Doctor winced and decided to rephrase this, because Tall Girl was raising her eyebrows again. "We need to, um..." for once in his life, words were failing the Doctor. "Well, it's very important!"

"It involves a lot of, uh, shipping," the Master attempted.

"Really?" one of the twins smiled. "I love shipping! Can I come?"

"Well, um, it's kinda top-secret, and..." the Doctor trailed off.

"Eh, leave them to have a snog!" Tall Girl grinned, releasing the two Time Lords, "It's not like they can go anywhere, and we'll be waiting as soon as they come out."

"We're _not _going to have a -" the Master began, but the Doctor quickly cut him off.

"Yes! That's exactly what we're going to do! Come on!" he grabbed the Master's sleeve and pulled the protesting Time Lord through the crowd and into the TARDIS.

* * *

"_Please_ tell me you're not serious," the Master said exhaustedly, leaning against one of the coral pillars and watching the Doctor leap up to the console.

"Hmm? Oh no, of course not. It was just to get rid of them."

"Good. Because I'd rather not."

"Yes..." the Doctor pondered, "Maybe meeting the Ambassadors of the Planet Fandom wasn't such a good idea after all..."

* * *

A/N: I was going to include some fanboys, but ended up with just girls. Oh well XD

Also I'm Hazel-Head - of course.

Any fangirls you feel like bagging the place of, feel free! :3


End file.
